What is a Memory Worth?

Late last night I wept for my loss

The tears rolled down to disappear in the sheets

Like my childhood memories did in between.

For what is a memory worth when it hurts?

Is it worth remembering the good with the bad

Or the happy with the sad?

What unknown recollection has been wiped clean as the cost

Of forever forgetting the hardest things of all?

What is a memory worth when it hurts?

A childhood tale of adventure and dare,

Or the moments that held a glimmer of love?

Sleeplessness.

I tossed and turned in my sleep last night

Trying to find the place

Where I could fit just right

Where I could stay.

But the harder I searched the harder it got

My movements to retrace.

This place I lay my body to rest

Has become a den of restlessness.

A New Summer... A New Song!

I've decided that I would like to write songs... I love them when others write them so I want to try it out!
I read online that in order to get better at writing songs, you need to practice. So today while I was walking around at work, I wrote one! I need to put down the lyrics somewhere though or I'll forget! It's not that great or deep, I know, but it's practice!

3,000 Miles (A Country Tune)

Verse 1
Sitting in my car
Listening to you speak
Trying to see the stars
Through the city chic

It's coming to the end
We've done this before
But this time it's different
Cuz I'm headed where you are

Chorus
3,000 miles to go
And I'm scared to try, I'm scared to know
Will you be waiting at the other end?

We've said it once, we've said it twice
Three times baby, well don't that sound nice
But this time I'm headed for the charm
Straight into your arms

Verse 2
Crossing the state line
My heart begins to pound
It's a sweet, sweet rhythm
I wish you could hear the sound

My foot against the pedal
Your face behind my eyes
We'll see what love's about, babe
A little give and compromise

Cardboard

I am bored.
or boring.
am I bored because I am boring?

aburrido.
es "boring" en español.

I feel as if my life has become this routine and I can't seem to break out of it.
My mind escapes some days to envision myself doing something EXTREME and EXCITING!
but it never actually happens.
Why is that?
How come I can't make those day dreams a reality?


What will it take for me to become un-boring?

Hand pt. 1

Last night, I took some time to practice prayer.
This is a new notion and idea for me; that prayer needs to be practiced.
But it makes sense.
In this book I'm reading, "Walking With God" by John Eldrigde, he speaks of the importance of practicing talking with God. The only way to grow into that intimate relationship with our Abba, Father is through practicing it.
So I tried.

I prayed.
I listened.
I admitted that I had no idea what to say or what I was doing.
I heard.
& what I heard was
"Hold my hand"

that phrase came into my mind.
simple. beautiful. intimate. enticing. pursuant & inviting.
my heart and soul were happy, I drifted slowly off to sleep.
but my mind still wandered....

There are many stories of God having direct contact, especially through Jesus.
And my thought was:
"When Jesus held a hand, was he the type to clutch or to lace??"
You know, the intertwined fingers kind of thing...
& I am convinced that Jesus was the intertwining hand holder type.

Been Running Through My Mind

the only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live,
mad to talk,
mad to be saved,
desirous of everything at the same time,
the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing,
but
burn,
burn,
burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars...

- jack kerouac

A Discovery From Long Ago.

I was sorting through my saved mail file of my e-mail account when I stumbled upon some past snippets of things that have filtered through my mind.... most of these were written on my phone in text messages to myself because once a sentence starts in my mind, it doesn't stop and I need to get it down.
Here are a few things that have gone through my head...



October 14, 2007
It's like talking to an addict while they are intoxicated! There is no way to break through to them, they don't hear a word you scream, they don't see your emotion no matter how hurt you are. And it is an addiction- once you allow yourself to just let go it's hard to think of anything else and this turns into an obsession that- gone unchecked- could ruin you. It's the same with all obsessions: the desire for the obsess-e is so great that when it reaches the point in which one realizes this obsession is absolutely unobtainable, they will implode.
{in reference to a friend's obsession over a band}



November 24, 2007
I'm colder tonight than usual. It's as if the frigid frayed ends of the wind have snuck their way in through an unknown unclosed portal; delicately dancing their way down the darkened passages that our feet had once long ago inhabited. As they listlessly passed by, scents of memories stirred and played behind my heavy eyelids drifting me off into a time and place passed with faces that have long since changed. Here is where I reside. Here is where I find my broken peace. Here is where we have been left.



November 25, 2007
Just like the slender piece of wood being ever so gently slid out of its storage place amongst the others, she felt her sudden displacement come rushing toward her, the tall tower began to tremble as did she with the realization that the moment had passed. It was done. That had been it. Not wanting the magnificent marvel of a stack to come crashing down around them, the spectators spread out their arms in hope that the energy put forth might prevail against the natural forces of gravity. But before she could stretch out her arms to cushion the fall, she was lying flat on the ground with only tear stained cheeks and a heart full of "what if's" to embrace her.