Cardboard

I am bored.
or boring.
am I bored because I am boring?

aburrido.
es "boring" en español.

I feel as if my life has become this routine and I can't seem to break out of it.
My mind escapes some days to envision myself doing something EXTREME and EXCITING!
but it never actually happens.
Why is that?
How come I can't make those day dreams a reality?


What will it take for me to become un-boring?

Hand pt. 1

Last night, I took some time to practice prayer.
This is a new notion and idea for me; that prayer needs to be practiced.
But it makes sense.
In this book I'm reading, "Walking With God" by John Eldrigde, he speaks of the importance of practicing talking with God. The only way to grow into that intimate relationship with our Abba, Father is through practicing it.
So I tried.

I prayed.
I listened.
I admitted that I had no idea what to say or what I was doing.
I heard.
& what I heard was
"Hold my hand"

that phrase came into my mind.
simple. beautiful. intimate. enticing. pursuant & inviting.
my heart and soul were happy, I drifted slowly off to sleep.
but my mind still wandered....

There are many stories of God having direct contact, especially through Jesus.
And my thought was:
"When Jesus held a hand, was he the type to clutch or to lace??"
You know, the intertwined fingers kind of thing...
& I am convinced that Jesus was the intertwining hand holder type.

Been Running Through My Mind

the only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live,
mad to talk,
mad to be saved,
desirous of everything at the same time,
the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing,
but
burn,
burn,
burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars...

- jack kerouac

A Discovery From Long Ago.

I was sorting through my saved mail file of my e-mail account when I stumbled upon some past snippets of things that have filtered through my mind.... most of these were written on my phone in text messages to myself because once a sentence starts in my mind, it doesn't stop and I need to get it down.
Here are a few things that have gone through my head...



October 14, 2007
It's like talking to an addict while they are intoxicated! There is no way to break through to them, they don't hear a word you scream, they don't see your emotion no matter how hurt you are. And it is an addiction- once you allow yourself to just let go it's hard to think of anything else and this turns into an obsession that- gone unchecked- could ruin you. It's the same with all obsessions: the desire for the obsess-e is so great that when it reaches the point in which one realizes this obsession is absolutely unobtainable, they will implode.
{in reference to a friend's obsession over a band}



November 24, 2007
I'm colder tonight than usual. It's as if the frigid frayed ends of the wind have snuck their way in through an unknown unclosed portal; delicately dancing their way down the darkened passages that our feet had once long ago inhabited. As they listlessly passed by, scents of memories stirred and played behind my heavy eyelids drifting me off into a time and place passed with faces that have long since changed. Here is where I reside. Here is where I find my broken peace. Here is where we have been left.



November 25, 2007
Just like the slender piece of wood being ever so gently slid out of its storage place amongst the others, she felt her sudden displacement come rushing toward her, the tall tower began to tremble as did she with the realization that the moment had passed. It was done. That had been it. Not wanting the magnificent marvel of a stack to come crashing down around them, the spectators spread out their arms in hope that the energy put forth might prevail against the natural forces of gravity. But before she could stretch out her arms to cushion the fall, she was lying flat on the ground with only tear stained cheeks and a heart full of "what if's" to embrace her.

A Dip in the Cool

On a night where my T-shirt tacks to my body, following a day where my sunglasses practically melted off of my face, I decided to dip myself in the coolness of my backyard oasis... ahh the swimming pool...

it's midnight and 83 degrees outside. Delicious.
This is Rancho Cucamonga, a dessert.
Sleeping tonight will neither come with ease nor comfort.

Skidooosh...

I have this deep intense passion and desire to blog about something...

Everyday my mind races with clever sentences and ideas that could be turned into typed cleverness;

but by the end of the night, when I finally get a chance to sit and wind down and transform my thoughts into something tangible,

They all escape.

The Theology of Compliments to and from Strangers

I laugh out loud sometimes.

Ok, I do it a lot actually.

That expression, LOL, is sort of my personality description.

One of the things that makes me LOL the most is when the thoughts inside my head actually materialize into the world around me, without my intention.

Moments when this happens make me say to God, "you are funny and you know it, don't you?"

Amongst those moments, one that occurred really stuck out to me this past week. 

I was at work, in the drive thru, doing what we call "pushing" which is giving the customer their drinks and food. I decided to experiment a little.

My hypothesis was that if I complimented the customer, they would be quicker to take their drinks and food and leave. 

Plus, it would probably make their day a little happier.

So I tested out my hypothesis and according to the data, it was true! 

The compliments consisted of 

"I really like your top" or

"you have a really awesome car" or

"wow, I bet you really hate gas prices right now" (ok, not necessarily a compliment, but there were a TON of SUV's coming through!)

As my shift was winding down, I was mulling over the thoughts of my compliments to strangers and thinking about just how strange my actions really were! I mean, think about it: 

When you are going throughout your daily life, you don't often think about the people around you. Seriously, you know you don't.

And I got to thinking... What would the world look like if we weren't so afraid to offer compliments to total strangers?

I think it would be a happier place, with less horn honking and drinking problems, honestly.

So right as I'm considering this, a customer comes up to the front counter for a refill which I happened to help him with. As I handed him back his cup, he said, 

"wow, those eyes are dangerous! You could light up an entire room with those eyes, be careful! How God has blessed you girl!"

I smiled and said "Oh, you have no idea..."

A Job All Too Familiar

Back to work at Chick-Fil-A was getting me excited, for reasons that I couldn't have anticipated, but at the same time, I had a small twinge of fear for the unknown; the inevitable change incurred by time; the new faces; new policies; and even new menus.... 

Therefore, as my first day of work approached, I eagerly laid out my uniform and double checked my alarm clock. I brushed my teeth and burned a CD for the brief car ride across the freeway. I had all my bases covered. 

Except for the one I was least expecting; that work may not be all that different from what I was used to.

And this is what ended up happening.

Things were so familiar that it felt like I hadn't been gone for almost a year.

People were the same, policies only differed slightly and there were even some of the same customers!

I realize that this comfortable familiarity is nice; it's like returning to your seat on the couch to find that it is still warm from your previous inhabitance. But nice is not what I'm looking for, it's not what I have prepared myself for.

I was prepared for turmoil, total confusion, almost loneliness. 

Why?

I think that if I let myself sit in the comfort for too long, my body and mind will slip into complacency. Like an accidental afternoon nap that you swear you didn't see coming, I'll slide right back into old trends and habits and worst of all, mindsets. 

I like my mind now.

It is an interesting and happy place.

I don't see that changing.

I just need to remember that I can't sit in the warmth for too long.

I need to throw off the blanket, get up and face the AC.